lollerskates

the founder of taco bell died
today i feel happy because
taco bell sucks
RIP

i think i'm going to puke
on your face
please don't let me
puke on your face
i'm holding the puke
inside
i'm holding it with
my hands
ewww

two gallons of milk

I NEED TO GO BUY MILK SEX I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE MILK SEX I REALLY CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE MILK MY MOM WILL BE PISSED SEX CONCENTRATE ANA WE NEED SEX MILK I SHOULD TEXT YOU SEX I WONDER WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW I NEED TO GO BUY MILK SEX OH I NEED GAS ALSO SEX OKAY EXIT HERE SEX NO KID I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY WITH ME I CAN'T BUY YOU A CANDY BAR FOR WHATEVER YOU SAID YOU NEED MONEY FOR SEX OH THAT LOOKS GOOD WAIT NO GET THE MILK FIRST SEX HEY OKAY TWO GALLONS OH HI ENTER PIN CODE OKAY COOL DONE THANK YOU YOU TOO SEX NO BOY I'M NOT GOING TO BUY YOU A CANDY BAR BYE OKAY NOW WHAT OH YEAH SEX GAS OKAY ENTER PIN NUMBER OKAY UNLEADED CAUSE IT'S THE CHEAPEST SEX THANKS PRINT RECEIPT YES THANKS BYE LEMME PLAY SOME M.I.A. YEAH BANANA SKEET IS GOOD SEX TRAFFIC SEX AND MORE SEX BACK HOME TURN ON MY LAPTOP SEX FOREVER AND EVER

manipulate your mom

a little girl pointed at buckets of ice cream and asked her mom for some. her mom said no and looked away. the girl said pretty please and made a sad-puppy-face. then she smiled a little because her mom wasn't looking.

[FACT]

yeah baby

rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off

reduced fat milk nuts and semen for breakfast

decided not to post this "tweet"

i typed "i'm addicted to garagebang" instead of "i'm addicted to garageband"

villain

I WISH I COULD CUT YOU HISPANIC GANG MEMBER STYLE AND MAKE YOU SCREAM AND TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND BURN THEM IN A TRASHCAN AND LIT MYSELF ON FIRE AND NOT STOP AND NOT DROP AND NOT ROLL AND DANCE AROUND YOU WHILE MY CLOTHES BURN OFF
(MY CLOTHES WILL BURN BUT I WON'T)

OH

kitties love bananas

OH WHAT SHOULD I WHAT SHOULD I WHAT SHOULD I DO SHOULD I KEEP ALL MY MONEY OR SPEND IT ALL ON YOU

RANDOM IDEA

hope sandoval (mazzy star) needs to sing a song with thom yorke (i don't need to put his band's name in parenthesis)

I WOULD COME SO FAST

I DON'T WANT TO FRENCH KISS YOU!

you need to open your mouth because i am going to put my tongue inside you should have said that but you didn't so you licked outside and around my lips and it was awkward

statcounter is making me horny

113
oh it's a really bad one. i'm ashamed.
i am not better than paris hilton
i got a speeding ticket and i need to go to driving school and pay about 300 dollars

i want you to write a poem called "statcounter is making me horny"

are you serious? okay

sometimes clowns write poetry (for fun)

is there any other reason why clowns would write poetry?
oh yeah
groupies
get me some

silent hip hop raper

eff this
eff that
yo yo fo sho
eff this
eff that
supa coo rap
eff this
eff that
yo mama is fat
eff this
eff that
eff you if you like it fast
eff you if you like it furious
eff you cuz you really suck
eff this and that and cock block

failing is cool

laser tag
put a gag
on your dog
if he has no gag
reflex.
sometimes we fail
but we're cool
sometimes we're cool
when we fail
sometimes we cool
while in school
something uncool
when you drool
wasup fool?
you're not cool!

marriage minded mexican female

i'm white and i want
a hot latina
you're hot
cuz your name's cristina
marry me tina
have my baby tina
move to massachusetts with me
i'll pay for your stuff if you're with me
i'll make you an american
citizen and make you participate in creepy shit
you must weigh under 180 pounds
(and must be willing to be beaten).
hurry
kisses
your man, randall.

dumb on purpose

unicorns are pretty
oh you're such a sweetie
now i wanna sniff pink glue
like a silly gooey goose
let me take your shit to go
cuz i don't wanna fuck yo

this is silly this is shitty
this is flirty this is kinky
this is fine need a dime?
this on crack show yo crack

i met windy
she's real creepy
i blow bubbles
warm as cuddles

unicorns are pretty
oh you're such a sweetie
unicorns are pretty
lick me like a kitty

wao

it's five a.m. and i'm online
it's five a.m. and i'm the bomb
it's five a.m. i don't see porn
it's five a.m. skip this chick
it's five a.m. skeet skeet skeet
it's five ten this is shit
it's five eleven oh dear heaven
it's five eleven oh van halen
it's five thirteen i'm a teen
it's five sexteen shit in a tin
it's five fourteen submarine!

(the clock is going backwards now)

it didn't work out (because i'm not vegan)

ronald reagan broke my heart and he wasn't even vegan

jerking jerk

(something about douches)

i wish i could help (that's what you said)
i wish i could help you (to get laid)
i really wish i could pop (up my collar)
i wish i could pop (cherries for a dollar)

whenever i come
you type yo
whenever i come
it's not yo

i never come jerking
jerk
my pussycat hates your dick oh
my pussycat thinks you're a weirdo